Breaking Down the Barriers you have put in God's way
"God...Why can't I hear you?"
Last night as I was feeding my sourdough I realized I only had bread flour left in the cupboard so I figured no big deal and as I poured it in I took note of how soft and fine or maybe refined is the better way to describe it. And today as I was feeling in a bit of a slump I told a friend about this wall that I feel like I’m stuck at and how I feel like God has been quiet the last few days. It’s like when you are getting your teacher evaluation and the principal is sitting in the back of your room taking notes but not saying anything about how you are doing. That’s how I am feeling at this moment and to be honest it isn’t a feeling I like. I want to feel God speaking to me because that is so reassuring to know that we are on the same train of thought. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you are on topic a and they’re already on topic e and you're like “wait what is even going on right now?”. That miscommunication can cause a lot of confusion and stress. So I’m telling Annette about this way that I am feeling and she pointed out that often when we feel like there is a barrier it’s not because God’s not talking but rather it’s because we have the music of life turned up to loud, my words not hers. But we are putting things before our time with God and it’s drowning him out. Ironically I was listening to a podcast this morning as I was getting ready for the day and she was talking about idolatry and I read over the description before I hit the play button and it really was an episode that I didn’t think would have much resonance for me but you never know. So I’m listening and she is talking about the times of Leviticus and how idols where such a big thing and in today’s day how we can have idols that may not look like golden calves in our front yard but we essentially go to them for comfort and healing rather than turning to God. Ok so what does this have to do with my slump?
Sometimes when we feel like God is distant it’s because we are trying to solve a problem or heal an issue without him. Like that fine flour, God uses these times to refine us. Many times we create these barriers innocently not realizing that is what we are doing and even still sometimes the things that we are putting before him are good or even great things, we have just misplaced the order of importance.
So I am sitting here asking for God to show me what I have out of order and it’s like he is showing me a glimpse of my day and asking, “where was I today?” So in response I feel I have to defend myself. Well, in the morning I was listening to a Christian Podcast and on the way to work I rode in silence hoping to hear you but not really praying just more or less being, I tried to read my Battlefield of the Mind book which brings in scripture but again my Bible was sitting unopened till I wanted to read a specific verse, not the who chapter for context, just the verse and I realized that yes I am going through the motions of good things but I had not actually invited God into any of them. I wanted him to just tell me his thoughts so I sat waiting but I never asked him for guidance or clarity. Our God is a patient god and he doesn’t force his will onto us if we don’t ask for it. But let me tell you right now, I want it lol I want to be filled with him so that I am teaming over with his joy and his wisdom. I don’t like this feeling of distance lol ask my husband about that one. If I am ever in a bad mood it can be fixed with a simple hug or a holding of my hand. I crave that physical reassurance and that relationship. But if I just expect my husband to take those actions, he won’t because that’s not his love language. So I need to take the first step. My poor husband doesn’t always like that I need him to hug me or hold my hand but he allows it lol. God isn’t going to force his will on us unless we ask him to do so.
So how do we figure out what barriers we have put up? We ask! If you feel like there is something there hindering you, get down on your knees and pray for God to reveal to you what it is because let me tell you when you realize what the problem was and ask for forgiveness, those flood gates open and God comes rushing back in like the water in the
Frozen 2 movie that almost washes away their city. It’s that simple! And yet so frustrating because no matter how hard you try to then stay on that straight and narrow path or not make that same mistake, we are human and we are going to continue to mess up. It all comes back to that recognition and repentance.
And the crazy thing is that a barrier can be from anything that you place in front of God and usually these are things that we go to as sources of comfort. So back to the podcast I was listening to the speakers described these “things” as idols; it could be money or love or even pride. I never want you to think that I am coming from a place of saying that I have it all together, it’s actually quite the opposite. So looking back on my conversation with God that morning I had to let down my defenses and own up to what I had been putting before God. So I think I mentioned it before but I have been a high school teacher for 11 years and I have loved it. When people ask who I am it is one of the first attributes I use to describe myself. But this is going to by my last year because next school year I will be homeschooling 3 of our boys and when I handed in that letter to our school board I felt such peace about it. Needless to say, finding the right person to replace me has not been going well and I was asked to stay. So now I’m back to God having a conversation like is this a sign that I am not suppose to leave are you reopening this door?
The other day we were on a field trip to Longwood Gardens with my Horticulture and Landscaping students and as I am walking through these amazing gardens just thanking God for their absolute beauty this thought kept hearing “you need to trust me”. As a teacher my family had monetary comfort, we have stability and I put so much of my identity into that and to turn from that and trust that God is going to open the next set of doors is scary. I wish when God spoke to us that there was a voice change in our head so we would know for sure that it is God and not our self. But I’ve always put more stock in my ability rather than asking God to handle things because if I take that role then I know it will get done or won’t get done, it’s on me. It’s like when your paired with someone in a group project and you don’t know if they are going to follow through with there part so you just do everything so you know it gets done and in turn, not trusting that other person not only can it hurt them but it also teaches them that they aren’t trustworthy in your eyes. I don’t want God thinking that I don’t trust him and stepping back from me. I want to put all my eggs in his basket. And what I am realizing every single day is that even when I think I have an element of life figured out, it is so easy to slip back into our old routine or ways, so this journey is a constant work there is not finish line, anyway I don’t think there is at least not here on earth. The Bible says if we repent God will forgive us and we can move on. There is no limit to the amount of times He will wipe us clean if that is our true heart desire. We should always be striving to be better and do better.
So as you go through this week, I hope you take some time to sit and talk to God. Ask him to show you what you are putting before him. We are at a point in this crazy world where I want to hear God guiding my every step I don’t want to think of him sitting in the background just shaking his head. I will do that to my students sometimes. I give them instructions and they feel like they know better so they do it their own way and then when it doesn’t work out they come to me and say I don’t understand why this didn’t work. Don’t be that kid!
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